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Last night, I cried on the phone to Alex. I told him I hated him not being here.
I hated that when my parents came down this weekend to celebrate my little brother’s birthday, Alex would not be celebrating with us
I hated that next Saturday, on my 25th birthday, Alex would not be here to celebrate with me
I hated that while all of my friends are enjoying nice dinners and relaxing evenings with their guys, I am home alone
I hated that it has been over two weeks and I have not seen his face once.
I hated our entire situation and…
I feel so bad.
Because the whole 30 minutes I sat there blubbering on, all Alex could say was
“I’m sorry…”
At the time, I was being selfish. I didn’t care that it was hurting him to hear me crying on the phone and know that he was the reason and even worse, he couldn’t be here to make me feel better. I didn’t care that he was going through the same stuff I was…being alone on his birthday in two weeks, not having someone to take to work celebrations, and eating dinner alone every night. At the time, all I cared about was what I was going through. Ironically, on our phone call last night, it seemed Alex was the only one saying “I’m sorry”, when those words should have been coming out of my mouth.
When I woke up this morning, my heart was heavy. Yes, part of it was because I missed him, but most of it was because of our phone conversation last night…
I feel so bad…
…that I cried on the phone to him when I know he HATES me crying and that he is too far away to come comfort me.
…that I didn’t take into account his feelings on this matter.
…that I made him feel bad for taking this job.
So, when I talk to him this afternoon, I will be the one saying
“I’m sorry…”
5 comments:
Hang in there! I still do this when my husband leaves! Don't feel bad! Sure, apologize, but remember, he understands. To be honest, he probably feels the same way, too. He can relate. He's not bad at you at all.
It is hard for both of you..some days are going to be worse that others and he GETS that I am sure... no worries!
Aw! I'm sure he feels the same way and wishes he could be there!
I am so glad Brittany from Tales of a Southern Belle posted about you...I've been going through the same thing with my bf for a year and a half now. He moved 8 hours away to go to law school and it is so hard. I think I've cried more in the past year and a half than I have my entire life combined..and all he can say is I'm sorry which makes me feel even worse. I get so jealous of people that get to spend time with their significant others every day and take it for granted. We will get to see each other on V-Day weekend and by that time it will be a month since we saw each other last...I seriously can't WAIT. I never blog about it because I feel like such a downer but it is always heavy on my heart. It really does get better after a while though. You learn how to manage but nothing can replace a good hug at the end of a bad day. Great, now I'm crying! :)
Thanks everyone!! You guys are amazing and sure know how to make a girl feel better :)
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