Celebrating a different kind of anniversary…

I know I’m still behind, but I was in the mood to write a “from the heart” post.  Sorry for its lengthiness, but again, I wanted to get this down on paper…even if it is virtual ;)  and I did throw some pictures in there just to help with the wordiness ;)__________________________________________________________

Last week Alex and I hit a milestone in our relationship, somewhat of a bittersweet one….last week Alex and I “celebrated” one year of us being “long-distance”

source

I know you’re probably thinking I’m absolutely insane for saying it was bittersweet because you’d think there was nothing sweet about it, but let me explain.  As much as I absolutely abhor the situation, I honestly think it has been good for our relationship.  That whole adage “what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger” has rang so true for us…I think this situation has definitely made us, and our relationship stronger.

When you’ve dated/been with/been married to someone for over 6 years, you tend to sometimes take that other person for granted…especially when that one person has literally been minutes away since you met 8 years ago.  Alex and I have never really had any major relationship problems, but I definitely took our relationship for granted.  Although we weren’t necessarily attached at the hip, I knew that he would be there if I needed him (within reason of course…he was definitely not a whipped boyfriend and I wouldn’t have it any other way)

Since Alex has been gone, we definitely have learned to cherish the moments we have together and honestly, just appreciate what the other has to offer.  Yes, I knew I would miss the regular couple stuff, but I also missed the little things like if I needed something fixed, he’d head right over, or our lazy Sunday’s complete with a starbucks run, shopping, and watching movies all day…those are the things I miss the most.  As much as I am saying “I miss this” and “I miss that”, I know that there are lots of things he misses out on too.

Needless to say, this has definitely been an experience for both of us and we have learned a lot that I think will be very helpful for our relationship in the future.  As we “celebrated” our one year, I started thinking about how much we’ve learned (or at least I have) and I decided it would be smart to document them to reflect on WHEN (yep, trying to stay positive) are back together in the same state :)  So here are my lessons learned:

• Communication is Key – Alex and I have never been a couple that talks a lot on the phone….we’ve always relied more on our visits with each other.  Unfortunately now that we have almost 7 hours between us, that is not always possible so phone and skype calls have replaced the time that used to be spent together.  So, now we talk AT LEAST 3 times a day (lunch, when Alex gets off work or when I’m headed to class, and then before we go to bed) and I think it is safe to say that both of us love having that time to chat because it is the only way we can stay connected  into the daily happenings of what is going on in each other’s lives.

• Tell it like it is – Although communication is great, the problem is, things get lost over the phone because I can’t see that little smirk Alex has when he’s being sarcastic or he can’t tell that I’m hiding being upset about something.  So we have learned, that we not only have to communicate, but we have to tell each other how we feel about everything…if I’m upset, I have to tell him.  If he’s getting annoyed with me, he has to tell me because if we don’t, the other doesn’t know and it could lead to a big fight.

• Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart, or in that case weak relationships – I think I mentioned before that I was in a long distance relationship Freshman year of college and it was a complete disaster.  When we started this journey, Alex assured me that we were in a completely different place than my Freshman bf and I were at the time, and he was so right.  Long distance relationships are hard, and any one that tells you it gets better is crazy, because it doesn’t….at least not completely.  I guess in a sense, it has gotten a little better, but I still cry occasionally and I miss him ALL the time.  I think it is safe to say that if it gets to the point where you don’t have days you cry and you don’t miss your significant other, there is a problem.  

  Source  Oh so true…

• It’s ok to do things alone – As I mentioned before, Alex and I have never been the type of couple that is attached at the hip, but there were certain things we didn’t do alone (like going to the movies, out to eat, Starbucks, etc).  We’ve definitely had to change that since we don’t always have someone to go with us.  That is definitely something I’ve had to learn to deal with.

source  We haven’t gone this far, but might be a good idea ;)  Kidding of course!

• You find out who your true friends are – In this type of situation (or any type of somewhat negative situation), you really find out who your true friends are.  I unfortunately have had quite a few “friends”, who have either said negative things about the situation, i.e. “So, are you not worried about him cheating on you?” or “I don’t know if your relationship is strong enough to handle this” or just disregarded my feelings about the situation entirely, especially when it comes to putting me in awkward and uncomfortable situations.  Like for example, if you are going to bring your husband and invite another couple to a girl’s night, let me know ahead of time so I can at least have a “stand in” as well.  Anyway, most of my friends, couples or not have been really great about the situations and when I do go out with my good couple friends, they are really good about making sure I feel included and not like the “3rd wheel”.  Alex’s friends have also been really good about filling in for him if I need them (i.e. making sure I make it to my car okay after a night out).  I am so thankful to have such good friends to help me through this situation.
• Cherish every moment you have together – As cheesy as that sounds, it is so true.  Take some time to savor the moments you have together, and I think for the most part we’ve done a pretty good job at that.  I was just telling my dear friend Rebecca that Alex and I seemed to have more pictures together this year than we’ve ever had in a year’s time and she said, “Of course, because you’re making memories” and that really stuck with me because it is so true.  The time we used to spend just sitting around watching TV, we are now making the most of our time together and getting out and doing things and as Rebecca said, making memories.
• Be willing to sacrifice – Sometimes you have to go out of your way to make time for each other, rather it is for visits or just chatting.  For example, Alex and I were just planning our “February schedule” and if you have been reading my blog for long, you know we have A LOT in February (my birthday, his birthday, Valentine’s day, etc) and as much as I would love him here every weekend…it is just not feasible, so I had to sacrifice having him here for the Super Bowl party I wanted to throw, so that I could possibly have him 9 days the following week :)

Anyway, although this has been a tough year, it has been a good one too.  I know now that if we can make it through this, we can make it through just about anything ;)

Thanks to those of you who have left messages, comments, etc checking on me!  I really appreciate it :)